A Prayer for Holiday Misfits

Make it a DIY Season of Joy

When you're different, sometimes you don't see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn't. ~ Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart

Another year for the history books is coming to a close as the 2021 holiday season begins. While it can be a joyful time of generosity, togetherness and deep spiritual insight, it can also be a sad, anxious and lonely time. Images of lavish gift giving, homecoming, pair bonding and family celebrations can be like salt in the wound for those who are in debt, uninvited, homebound or without a plus one at their side. We humans instinctively crave connection and celebration, so feeling alone and somehow “wrong” while imagining that everyone else is “right” and celebrating joyfully together, can truly feel like hell on earth. But it doesn’t have to play out that way this year. We know that the fastest route out of hell is via gratitude, so if you’re dreading the holiday season, let’s find some reasons to be thankful, Sensitive Soul.

Want to feel grateful, not miserable for what might be “missing”?

Reframe it. Instead of feeling like you’re deprived of the perfectly curated holiday narrative of what this time of year should look like, recreate it from scratch, DIY-style. A do-it-yourself holiday season begins by meditating on the essence of what’s beautiful, good and true and encouraging those inspiring feeling states more often. We typically associate this time of year with ideal images of abundance, generosity, togetherness, enlightenment, joy and love, so choose to express some of those qualities in your own unique way over the next few weeks.

One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself. ~ Shannon L. Alder

Rather than dwelling on what’s lacking or what holidays should look like, focus on ways you can express the essence of the season for the next six weeks. Create new traditions that please you and suit your circumstances, exactly as they are this year. Avoid comparing yourself to anyone, ever, but especially at a time when airbrushed images of perfection abound. Judging your life against other people’s holiday highlight reels is unfair to you, and only intensifies any feelings of abandonment, loneliness or despair you may already be struggling with.

‘Shoulds' come only from leftover thinking. If we are truly in this moment (the only one there really is), we don’t “should on” ourselves. It’s a great freedom.~ Kelly Corbet

Conforming to the “shoulds, oughts and musts” that live in your head is an unnecessary burden you may wish to put down this year, Sensitive Soul. They are mental constructs that stress you out and can quickly rob you of your joy. Living someone else’s idea of a happy holiday ignores the wishes of your inner being, who wants to lead you to more wisdom, freedom and peace. When you hear a holiday should in your head, challenge it. When you hear yourself say “I/we/they/it should ______” dare to ask yourself “But why?” Allow a rousing debate to unfold between the two camps. Go back and forth with yourself. Challenging the shoulds sweeps away mental cobwebs that might be preventing you from having a good time.

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

To disrupt intrusive negative thoughts, persistent shoulds or to escape from the “bad neighborhoods inside your head,” practice the power of the pause: Place your hand over your heart, breathe in and out, slowly and deeply, imagining your heart breathing like a life-giving lung. Smile to yourself. Feel your aliveness from the inside out. Ask: What do I really want? Listen for the answer, deep within. 

It may not show up right away, but keep asking and keep listening until it becomes second nature. Listening to the still, small voice of your true self takes practice. Alignment with your soft spoken soul is the key to finding a sense of contentment that may be beyond what you can imagine for yourself right now. The answers that come from within you are clues that can lead you to the gift of a DIY holiday season that feeds you spiritually and fans the flame of your inner light.

Flip the Script and Make Holiday Time Your Own

If you’re grieving, homebound, uninvited or otherwise feeling like a holiday misfit, it’s okay. You are not alone. You’re in very good company. Rather than allowing the anticipated bad feelings to overwhelm you and make you wish you could just put your head under your pillow until Jan 1, empower yourself to make your own DIY holiday plan today. 

Start by considering what resources you have available. Be honest with yourself about the amount of time, money, energy, health, and overall holiday cheer you have available right now. Give yourself permission to do or not do what feels right, not necessarily what’s expected. Unrealistic expectations can rob you of the natural joy of living that bubbles up when you allow life to be just as it is and stop striving for it to be what it is not. When you can accept where you are now and what’s happening now, it’s easier to begin taking small steps in the direction of greater joy.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. ~ Rumi

The more you love yourself, exactly as you are, without needing to fix anything at all, the more your soul rejoices. With your permission, it will lead you to the next best thing for you. When you act lovingly on your own behalf, you will organically generate feelings of safety, significance and belonging that you may now be craving from others. By rewriting your holiday script with deep compassion for yourself, you may discover love, peace and joy that exceeds all of your previous holiday expectations.

Do your thing and don't care if they like it. ~ Tina Fey, Bossypants

Make a vision board. Make a plan. Make it a new adventure.

Maybe you’ll commit extra time in the coming weeks for a year-end spiritual retreat, making more time for yoga, meditation, journal writing, or time alone out in nature. As an experiment, you may also wish to include a fast from draining emotional drama, judgment, the media or toxins.

Generosity is not in giving me that which I need more than you do, but it is in giving me that which you need more than I do. ~ Kahlil Gibran, Sand and Foam

Maybe you’ll focus on generosity and spend time reaching out to other people who may also be feeling like holiday misfits. Or perhaps you will find it meaningful to donate your time, talent or treasure to a cause that’s near and dear to your heart. Gifting crafty, creative, handmade items can spark your creativity and holiday spirit while also bolstering feelings of generosity. Becoming someone’s Secret Santa or committing random acts of kindness can transform sadness into joy as it ripples out waves of good feelings all around you that return to you with greater momentum on the next incoming tide.

Maybe you’ll gift yourself some much-needed self care. Decide if you want to (not should) get fit, chill out, eat well, get counseling, go to bed early, or set a boundary. Maybe you'll decide to say a clear no to what you do not want to make plenty of space for what you do want. Hopefully, you'll give lavishly to yourself as a charitable reminder that you matter.

Maybe beautifying your space, getting a makeover or finally tackling a project you’ve been putting off will focus your energy on positive momentum moving forward, rather than letting you dwell on regrets or the ghosts of Christmas past.

Maybe you want to do nothing. Or take a solo road trip. Or catch up on your sleep. Or plan a book or movie marathon. When you release all prior expectations and allow for life to unfold more organically, you can free yourself (and anyone around you) to make more self-loving choices. Slough off the old traditions that are best left in the past. Be present to what is happening now. Rather than something to be endured, make yourself a DIY holiday that nourishes the natural joy that’s alive inside of you right now.

If you need support to get you through a tough time or to help you make a significant decision, reach out and schedule time with me. Your first 15 minute phone call is free and together we’ll determine if we’re a fit to do soul work together. It’s easier to navigate tumultuous times and find more opportunities to grow into the person that you’ve always wanted to be when you have a nonjudgmental mentor who supports you and your soul’s intentions. 

I pray that you experience the light inside of you that reassures you that you are never alone. I pray that you know yourself to be perfectly right and good, wherever you may be on your journey through life. You are significant. You belong. You are lovable and enough, exactly as you are.

Many Blessings to You in the Season of Light,

Katie Grace

A Prayer for Holiday Misfits

In this season of cocktail parties, blessed be the uninvited and the homebound. May you find an unexpected embrace right where you are.

In the season of homecomings, blessed be the estranged and orphaned. May you feel the love of a chosen family.

In this season of lavish gift giving, blessed be the cash-strapped parents and friends on fixed incomes. May you and yours remember what matters most.

In this season of lazy vacation days, blessed be the hourly employee. May your hard work and overtime pay help you breathe a little easier.

In the season of glitzy date nights, blessed be the grieving, the third wheels and all who lack a plus one, despite their best efforts. May you remember that you are lovable and enough.

In the season of perfectly curated portraits, blessed be the members of the hopelessly dysfunctional families. May you find moments of peace amidst the tempest of togetherness.

~ Jonathan Merritt