I Am Peter

NY Botannical Garden

I Am Peter

Poor Peter. In a last-ditch attempt to protect Jesus from the persecuting forces gathered to crucify him, he pulled out his sword to strike at the enemies who were all around them. Peter’s instinctive urge to rise up in defense of the teacher he revered is understandable from man’s perspective. He was exhausted, under extreme stress and desperately trying to protect the holy man he loved.

As Jesus’ most favored disciple, Peter tried to take control of the threatening situation unfolding before him. Most of us would think his bravery admirable, yet Jesus chastised him for attacking the evil he perceived in the mob before him. In this scenario, Jesus understood what Peter did not. Cognizant of each man’s role in the unfolding paschal mystery of suffering, death and resurrection, Jesus had already surrendered to his terrible fate. He had accepted what Peter was resisting with all his might. Therefore, instead of appreciating his friend’s protective loyalty, Jesus harshly rebuked him for his aggression:

Put back your sword, my friend.

I must say this lest you forget

what years repeat, and history can check:

those who take up the sword

sooner or later perish by its power.

Evil turns upon itself

the snake bites its tail

the murderer falls on his dagger

forever trapped in circles of blood. ~ Catherine De Vinck, A Passion Play

Despite his pure devotion to Jesus and the very best of intentions, Peter’s actions turned out to be hindrance, not help. The violent impulse erupting from his fear-based, unconscious mind took over the totality of Peter’s awareness, blinding him to an even-greater potential for Jesus’ life and death. His efforts to protect Jesus had the net effect of amplifying and attracting the very energies that he was trying to subdue with his sword. If successful, Peter would have escalated violence and become an obstacle to Jesus enacting his fate. Peter unwittingly became a pathway for more evil to enter the world because he could recognize and attack evil only in “the other.”

Photo by Carlos Magno on Unsplash

Jesus, meanwhile, had already aligned his human plan with the divine plan by praying alone through the night. As all of his disciples had given in to the animal need of the body for sleep, Jesus was busy knitting his spirit to God in silent communion. Residual fear or doubt dissolved in the union of his soul with the light of Source, which he had nicknamed his heavenly father:

Father, let it pass, empty it, rinse it clean.

Madness boils in the stretching mind

death rattles in the ear.

Yet,

at the junction where I meet you, Father

I come home:

I am the dance at the earth’s center;

I am the shaping tenderness around orbs of planets and stars;

I am your son.

Father, not my will

not that pale and formless wish

born of human trembling, but your will

knitted to mine, mending the distance, crossing over.

~ Catherine De Vinck, A Passion Play

As a being whose will was “knitted” to God’s, Jesus could recognize the obstructing force, the “trembling, formless wish” coming through Peter. His fear, his attachment to his own personal version of success and the violent images swirling in his head took over Peter’s mind, making him an energetic vortex through which even more evil could enter the situation. 

Photo by Christian Holzinger on Unsplash

The human psyche is a complex and dynamic entanglement of good and evil, light and shadow. Each of us has the capacity to become either an energetic vortex through which dark forces find a home OR individual generators of light which project clarity and repel darkness. When we broadcast the light of harmonious energies, we amplify the light quotient in any given situation while simultaneously neutralizing the effects of any discordant or dark energies we encounter.

Like Peter, we can become especially susceptible to dark forces slithering into our psyches whenever we are tempted to dwell on another’s guilt. Once rooted in the mind, such thoughts can grow until they start to corrupt rational thought processes. Such rumination concentrates and attracts more darkness over time until dark thoughts start to become dense obstacles to the light of soul and the light of reason. Unopposed, these thoughts can remodel your mind, turning you into an unsuspecting enemy of yourself, other people and the divine plan for life. 

A bright and creative man or woman with “good” intentions can unconsciously attract an oppositional “baddie.” When conflict awakens the wounded, rejected aspects of self that have split off from wholeness and embedded themselves in the dark corners of the unconscious mind, it is an opportunity for soul growth; by shining the light of our awareness on what’s been stimulated in the unconscious mind, we welcome the split off, wounded parts of ourselves back home into the light of our loving awareness.

Whenever we ignore or repress our shadow nature, it goes rogue. It tries to get our attention by projecting itself onto people and situations outside of ourselves, where it “acts out,” making us think that the “bad” vibes are coming from “them,” rather than from an unconscious defense mechanism manufactured in our own psyche. Whenever we’re emotionally charged up, it’s an opportunity to pause and wake up to our wholeness or to reinforce our shadow’s unconscious grip over us.

By turning within and communing with the Source of our existence every day in silence, we are fortified for living a more intentional, conscious life. It’s up to us to create an inner environment of safety, support and enough self love that we can shine the light of unconditional love on our fears, our flaws and our frustrations. We learn to forgive and befriend the wounded parts instead of denying, hiding or projecting our inner conflicts onto someone else.

When we connect with our inner being and follow our soul’s guidance, we are patiently guided, step by step, towards an omnipresent wholeness and a greater trust in the divine plan. Only an expansion of the consciousness of unconditional love can mend the false separation previously camouflaged by the blind spots in our human nature. As we cross over into a more loving, wise and expansive level of conscious awareness, we transcend previous limits and experience both Peter and Jesus peacefully coexisting within us.